


The Calm Before the Storm

by Jessi_aka_pyro



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arin and Dan bffs forever, Arin is a good bro, Best Friends, Brian is a good bro, Cliche situations, Everyone is best friends, Friendship, Game Grumps - Freeform, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, dan is depressed, egobang if you squint, platonic Dan/Arin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-01-17
Packaged: 2018-09-18 04:03:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9367163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jessi_aka_pyro/pseuds/Jessi_aka_pyro
Summary: Breathing deeply in his seat, one hand on the door handle, other clenching tight on his thigh, Dan tried to force good thoughts into his head. He didn’t want to make anyone upset with his not so good attitude. He was already seventeen minutes late. And besides, he and Arin were recording today. From ten to four. Then an hour break. Then another three hours. A shiver from nerves ran up his spine. He could fake it for that long right?





	

Rain pounded against his window gently as Dan’s heavy lidded eyes broke open against his internal exhaustion. Everything felt… heavy. Like the world was holding him down against the earth, refusing to let go.

 

Things had been… hard lately. With him working on Under the Covers part two, and attempting to make progress on Starbomb 3, and helping out TWRP, and Game Grumps, and everything else he was trying to accomplish in his life, Dan had been feeling more stressed than usual. And unfortunately he’d learned a nasty trait of forgetting to care for himself as he’d gotten older. He thought fleetingly back to the days when he had only a tiny shitty apartment, only having the drive to venture out into the world for drugs and ways to keep electricity running to play Morrowind. Had that been the start of the darkness in his mind? Or was it always there?

 

Dan’s eyes flickered to the clock on his table as the world came a little more into focus now that he was more awake.

 

7:49am.

 

He tried to feel annoyed, realising he’d forgotten to set an alarm last night, but … nothing. With a sigh, Dan pushed himself up on his elbows, vaguely wondering why Barry never came and bothered to wake him up, usually being up before him and all.

 

Feet collided with freezing wood floor, causing the man to gasp slightly. He reached his toes out for the Sexbang blue slippers near the end of his bed and stood up, nearly tumbling in the process, Dan was never the most coordinated in the best of situations, much less now.

 

Everything felt… bleak. Far away. DIstant. He’d been noticing the signs subtly throughout the week, but held out hope that if he ignored it, it wouldn’t hit him so hard. But now that his ever looming darkness was here, Dan knew there was no avoiding it. Only putting it off until it was so strong that it sent him crashing through the floor into a world of self doubt and nasty habits.

 

Shivering in his thick sweat pants and large nsp t shirt, Dan shoved his hands into his pockets making his way to the bathroom. He didn’t have the drive for a shower, besides he’d showered yesterday morning so it was probably fine, but he knew he’d better brush his teeth at least.

 

After that was over, Dan wandered the apartment to the kitchen, the cold setting in as he drifted down the hallway.

 

A note on the fridge answered at least one question. Barry had left earlier that morning to get some stuff done before everyone got there. He felt a sudden pang of guilt strike his chest, recalling all the times they (he and Arin) had asked the man to throw this and that into the show just because it was a funny idea.

 

Dan knew logically that if it was too much, Barry would just tell them and work a way to exclude that little tidbit out of the final cut to be posted online, but logic wasn’t seeming to have an effect right now. His stomach turned as he opened the fridge. How could he eat when he’d been blatantly abusing his friend’s trust? Maybe he actually left early because he couldn’t stand the sight of Dan? Maybe he was faking being happy around him and actually wanted to tell him off for every cruel thing he asked of the editor? Maybe- Dan shook his head as his eyes began to sting. He knew Barry was his friend. He was just letting that dark pit in his mind run away with him.

 

He suddenly felt significantly less hungry.

 

With an irritated slam, Dan shut the fridge and made his way upstairs to change. He needed to be at the Grump Office by 8:30. It was now 8:11. There was no way he’d make it there on time. He was letting down everyone. Hurrying would do no good at this point. Late was late after all.

 

So with heavy steps and slow movements, Dan got dressed without much thought into what he was putting on.

 

Driving to the Grump office was… odd. Dan couldn’t exactly recall any moments from leaving his bedroom to pulling into his parking space. He was sure he must’ve driven there. He could vaguely remember getting into the car and red lights but it was fuzzy and transparent, similar to recalling a drunken night months later. The fact that he was operating a dangerous machine should’ve concerned him more than it did but Dan couldn’t bring himself to fret too much, the thought of worrying being much too exhausting then simply not caring instead.

 

Breathing deeply in his seat, one hand on the door handle, other clenching tight on his thigh, Dan tried to force good thoughts into his head. He didn’t want to make anyone upset with his not so good attitude. He was already seventeen minutes late. And besides, he and Arin were recording today. From ten to four. Then an hour break. Then another three hours. A shiver from nerves ran up his spine. He could fake it for that long right? Then this would all probably blow over but tomorrow morning. That’s how it usually worked. Granted it’d been awhile since Dan had experienced a low quite like this. He could only imagine what was in store for him. He glanced up at the rear view mirror, catching a bit of his hair in the reflection and sighed heavily. It looked both greasy and frizzy. Great. And it was still raining pretty hard.

 

Dan pulled his jacket tighter around him and hefted on his back pack, making his way out into the onslaught of raindrops, walking quickly to the cover over the front door. Despite his actual likeness for rain, he had his laptop in his bag and would really rather nothing happened to it.

 

Arin opened the door just as Dan placed his shivering hand on the handle.

 

The man blinked back in surprise before grinning widely and pulling Dan in by his wrist. “Dan! There you are! I was just about to go find you. We tried to call you, what the hell, buddy?”

 

Dan started to shrug before frowning, realising he didn’t get any calls that he could remember. He shoved his hand into his damp pocket and pulled out the phone in question, clicking the unlock button.

 

...It was off.

 

With a tiny flush, Dan suddenly realised he’d never actually turned on his phone after grabbing it off of the charger that morning. He laughed nervously, while berating himself in his head and forced a smile, hoping it would appease Arin. “S-Sorry man. I never actually turned it on I guess. And my alarm didn’t go off either. So I woke up late…,” he let the end of it drift off as Arin shook his head, bumping shoulders with the musician as he led them to the more open area of the house.

 

“No worries. Everyone has shit days. Just uhh try to keep in contact more next time, yeah? We were really getting worried. It’s not like you to be late. Even if it’s only by like half an hour.” Arin laughed and dragged Dan to where a few cameras were set up and Ross was tapping away at his computer, seemingly aggravated with the results he was getting from it. “We can go ahead and get started on our Grump Out video now that you’re here though.”

 

With a nod, Dan smiled a little more, biting his tongue to keep from saying anything off putting towards himself. Just the thought of wasting their time like that was bad enough, but to actually know they’d been waiting on him, that his incompetence had costed his friends time and quite possibly money made him feel sick.

 

Sometime during the filming Brian had made his way into the room for the shot. Usually this wouldn’t bother im but as the man kept giving Dan worried side glances in between shots, Dan began to feel uneasy of it all.

 

When everything was over and Arin and Ross were satisfied with the quality of their acting, Dan saw Brian start to make his way in his direction, making his hands tremble slightly. Brian knew of his struggles, finding him in quite a bad place when they had first met. Back when he smoked everyday and took medication to feel okay. To feel… normal.

 

Dan’s eyes fretted left and right, panic starting to swell in his chest as Brian came closer and closer. He knew what the man wanted to talk about. It was evident in the way his face wasn’t screaming idiot with a single gaze but instead worry and concern.

 

With a slightly timid tap on Arin’s shoulders, Dan grasped for excuses to escape.

 

With a turn and a smile, Arin met eyes with Dan for only a second before the older man was looking all around again. “Yeah Dan? What’s up?”

 

“I uhh…,” He swallowed a little audibly in nerves as Arin frowned. “I’m gonna… go warm up my voice a little okay? I-I wanna get a recording in before… before we grump. O-okay? Is that cool?”

 

Arin’s frown deepened but he couldn’t really find a reason to deny Dan of his request and shrugged. “Uhh yeah sure. You don’t really have to ask man. Just uhm, come get me when you’re done?”

 

Dan nodded gratefully and with a quick glance at the furrowed brow Brian, turned, grabbing his bag on the way, and made a beeline for the recording studio they had make shifted a room into to hide for a few hours. After all most of everyone knew to leave him alone when he was recording.

 

Looking around at the sealed walls, Dan suddenly wished there was a window in the room, wanting to watch the rain fall.

 

Letting his head thump against the wall, Dan let out a frustrated sigh. He really needed to pull himself together. This was getting ridiculous.

 

At least wanting to pretend he was working, Dan brought out his laptop, hooking it up to the recording station. He didn’t get much further than that though, sitting down on the couch with a sigh as the instrumental version of the song drifted out of the bluetooth headphones he had connected to it.

 

He glanced up at the mic in the middle of the room with disdain, wanting the motivation to stand up to it, but finding nothing. Dan laid back, looking up at the ceiling.

 

Pulling the headphones over by the very tips of his fingers, Dan instead slipped them on and laid down on the couch, eyes falling shut. He felt guilty for not actually using this time effectively but he couldn’t bring himself to change his position. He put it up against the fact that within a small amount of time he’d be expected to be normal and funny and witty so Dan needed this time to himself to be… not normal and funny and witty.

 

He let the sounds wash over him, taking him away from this reality and instead into the world of music and pure raw emotion being poured into chords and rhythm. This was why he loved music so much. It wasn’t something you could get wrong. It wasn’t something that could be ruined by him. Music came as naturally as breathing to Dan, ever since he could remember. It was the one thing he couldn’t fuck up.

 

Soon the song ended leaving him in silence. Dan groaned and pulled out his phone, connecting the headphones to that and selecting a calm instrumental playlist. Well… maybe calm wasn’t the right word. Melancholy maybe…

 

And as he laid back against the arm of the couch, eyes closed, covered by thin arms, shielding him from the harsh lighting, mindless lyrics drifted out of him, sounding of pain and confusion and emotions he wasn’t quite sure of how to express otherwise. It really brought him back to his Skyhill days.

 

Wrapped up in the moment, Dan hadn’t noticed the presence at the door until the song quieted to the end allowing him to hear the shuffling on the other side of the padding surrounding his ears.

 

With a slow breath, Dan turned the volume down on his phone and opened his eyes, glancing towards the door, not moving otherwise. Brian stood, arms crossed, frown in place.

 

Dan sighed and sat up with heavy limbs, nearly falling forward as he did so.

 

“Is that for the album?” Brian asked, letting the door close behind him as he came to stand across from where Dan was sitting.

 

Dan shrugged, not looking at his friend. He wished the man would just leave, but of course if he said that Brian would stay even longer. “I guess.”

 

Brian’s frown deepened as he glanced at the halfway set up recording equipment, the dying notification flashing on the laptop. “It didn’t sound like any of the songs we decided on. An original then?”

 

Dan shrugged again, not really having a response to Bran’s questions. He looked down at his phone with fake interest.

 

With an irritated sigh, Brian rubbed at his face before placing a hand on Dan’s knee, trying to get his attention. “Come on, man. What’s going on with you today? You won’t be fooling the others for much longer. Maybe you can fake it today and maybe even tomorrow, but you know someone is gonna start asking. I don’t- I want to help you. But you gotta tell me what’s wrong first.”

 

Dan desperately wanted to tell Brian that that was just it. Nothing was wrong! He was just… not good. Broken. But he couldn’t. Even as he opened his mouth to let go, only a part of a syllable came out, making him feel dumb and pathetic. “N-nothing’s wrong. I just don’t feel well today,” is what he managed to get out instead. Dan looked towards the wall in guilt, knowing Brian was only trying to help and he was pushing him away. After all, Brian had known him longer than anyone else in the grumps.

 

“Dan,” Brian said with a stern voice, irritation lacing his concern. It mad Dan flinch just slightly enough for Brian to notice. He sighed again, removing his hand, but keeping his eyes trained onto Dan. “Why don’t you try to talk to Arin about taking today off? We’ll be a little behind but I’m sure he’ll understand. Just tell him you’re not feeling up to par? You look enough like shit for him to believe it.”

 

He’d smiled a little at the insult, nudging Dan’s arm with his own, but Dan could only manage a half smirk and quiet breathy laugh before returning to it’s previous frown. Dan shook his head and mustered up a semi believable smile, almost meeting Brian’s eyes this time. “That’s okay. We’re already behind as it is since I was late. I’ll be okay.”

 

His friend shook his head with another worried sigh but he nodded after none the less, knowing not to push Danny too far. “Alright… just… promise to take it easy, okay? Don’t… if you start to feel all… you know. Then stop, okay? Tell somebody and stop.”

 

Dan found Brian’s rare moments of comfort endearing, this time offering a much more genuine smile and nodding, though he was almost positive it wouldn’t happen. “I promise,” he said softly, pulling the headphones off of his neck and laying them down next to him. He looked around suddenly, unsure of how long he was moping in here.

 

Brian seemed to understand his distress and ruffled the man’s hair a bit. “It’s only been like twenty minutes, you’re good.”

 

Dan ducks down, covering his hair from the attack but laughing quietly nonetheless. He pushes Brian away as he gets up and watched Brian start to leave the room. One would normally thank their friend for comforting them, but Brian and Dan didn’t need that kind of communication in their friendship. With a glance back at him, Brian knew Dan was thankful. Even though he could still feel the empty and numb feeling scratching up the walls of his mind, it wasn’t nearly as bad as it was not five minutes ago. He was positive it would be back with a vengeance but for now… Dan was thankful to have a friend like Brian.

 

After only a few minutes to gather his equipment back into his bag, Dan made his way out of the room to find Arin and start being useful again.

 

As the hours dragged on, it all began to weigh down on him once more, but Dan at least had enough sense to keep up appearances during filming. And if he spent most of the session huddled inside a blanket, over reacting vocally but not so much physically, no one said anything. Though Arin did spare him a few glances at times…

 

Soon Four o'clock came around and Arin was jumping out of his seat, rambling on about being hungry more than once. He looked down at Dan with a grin, pulling out his phone. “Pizza or chinese?”

 

Dan shrugged not partial to either at the moment but at Arin’s continued stare, sighed slightly and mumbled out CHinese around a yawn. He shook his head, trying to focus. He was just so tired lately…

 

Arin stared a moment longer before making the order and sitting back down next to the musician. Arin let his arm fall on the back of the couch, one hand brushing Dan’s blanketed shoulder. He felt a flutter of nerves rise up, knowing what Arin was about to unsubtly hint at.

 

“Sooo uhh what did you want to play next?” Arin asked, looking at Dan from the corner of his eye.

 

Dan shrugged for the billionth time that day, sighing as he let his head fall back onto the couch, part of his head actually resting on Arin’s arm. “Weren’t we playing more Last Guardian?” He forced out, struggling to relax in the awkward position without completely laying across Arin.

 

Arin shrugged back, looking around the room. “Yeah but we could always do that later. I kinda wanna play something you want to play.”

 

“We’re already behind though.”

 

“Meh we’ll catch up. Who cares. Just tell me what you want to play.”

 

Dan opened his eyes to look at Arin in confusion. He was acting strange enough for Dan to wonder if maybe something other than his own woes were issues here. “I- Our lovelies will care. I don’t really what we play right now.”

 

Arin sighed dramatically and slightly glared at his friend. “Damnit Dan. You’re sad. I can tell. But I don’t know why, so I’m trying to make you happy. What fucking game do you want to play.”

 

Dan’s eyes immediately fell to the floor as he bit the inside of his cheek. He shook his head with some force and gripped the blanket tighter around him. “‘M not sad,” He mumbled out, flinching at Arin’s scoff.

 

“Fucking- Jesus christ, Dan. Can you just quit with the fucking lying!? I just want to help you!”

 

Dan shook his head harder, feeling his throat tighten as frustrated tears bit the back of is eyes. “I’m- I’m fine! Can we just continue recording already? Please!?”

 

Arin stood up suddenly, towering over Dan, hands balled at his sides. “No! We can’t! Because right now you’re sucking ass and the episodes are shit. So we’re not recording anymore until we get down to your fucking bullshit!”

 

A sharp pang of guilt and sadness struck Dan’s chest, his eyes widening and body freezing up. “I- I’m sorry, I-,” He forced out before it truly hit Arin what he had shouted at his friend.

 

Taking a step back, Arin back peddled fast, seeing the distress and panic grow in his friend’s eyes. “Shit. No, Danny I didn’t mean- It’s- it’s not like that I’m just-”

 

Dan shook his head harshly, standing up as well but refusing to look at Arin. He kept his eyes hard and voice cold in effort to hold back tears that desperately wanted to spill out of him. His jaw opened to reply but when nothing came out, Dan shook his head again, turning to leave for the door. Arin was quick to grab at his arm but Dan shook it off violently letting out a choked “Fuck off, Arin,” before storming out of the room. Brian called his name as he rushed by but Dan took no heed of it and instead walked out the front door, letting it slam behind him.

 

As he got in his van, violently shoving the keys into the ignition, he saw Suzy. Brian, and lastly Arin rush out the door, trying to wave him down but Dan was too far to stop now. He pulled out and drove, tears finally falling the moment the house was out of sight.

 

Dan was vaguely aware of Barry’s car in the driveway so he left his van parked haphazardly on the curb, all but jumping out. He shouldered the door open, hoping Barry didn’t see the tear tracks running down his cheeks as he made a beeline for his room. No such luck though as Barry was suddenly in his way, cell phone in hand and a worried look on his face.

 

“Hey uhh buddy? You okay? Arin just called… he said you were pretty upset…” As Barry took in Dan’s appearance, Dan pushed him aside, mumbling, “not now,” and pushed into his room. The friendly Editor tried to follow but Dan was quick to flip the lock, collapsing onto his bed with a throaty sob.

 

Everything was falling around him. He’d ruined everything, he was pushing away his friends, he couldn’t even pretend to be happy for ten fucking seconds. Dan curled around his pillow hoping to muffle his noises. Soon he’d be just like he was before grumps, a drugie living off loaned money and begging on the street.

 

Suddenly the jarring sound of his ringtone went off, signalling Arin’s ringtone. Dan felt a heavy rock plummet into his stomach.

 

He was a horrible friend, right? Arin was trying to help im. He was worried. Dan was ruining the show. And Dan had told him to fuck off and ran away. Like he always did.

 

With shaky fingers and vision more blurry than he’d like to admit, Dan pulled his phone out from his pocket and watched the screen blink with Arin’s name, a stupid looking emoji face at the end of it. He wiped hastily at his face, not making much of a difference. Should he answer? Even if he wanted too, Dan was pretty sure he couldn’t bring himself to slide his thumb across the answer button. And just as he predicted, soon the name stopped flashing, a few minutes later a text coming in. With a shaky breath, Dan opened the text, eyes welling up once more as he read the contents. He swore he wasn’t usually this emotional.

 

_From: Arin_

****

_Answer your phone please? I’m sorry I yelled at you. I shouldn’t have said any of that. I’m just really scared, Dan. I don’t know what to do here. Are you okay? Barry said you were crying… Please call me back._

****

Dan clutched the phone to his chest with as tears fell once more, knowing how much trouble he had caused for everyone. Again. Knocking sounded at his door, causing him to gasp in shock. Instead of answering, Dan held his breath, hoping they would go away. He didn’t want to fuck anything else up today.

****

“Hey uhh… Dan. I made tea? You want some? It might help… you’re probably a little dehydrated …”

****

His throat clenched up at Barry’s concern. He opened his mouth, ready to refuse when his phone dinged again with another message, this time from Brian. Dan squeezed his eyes shut, feeling suffocated with all the attention he was drawing.

****

Pained gasps left his chest heaving as he tried to hold back his noises, fearing Barry was still at the door.

****

_From: Ninja Brian_

****

_Arin’s freaking out man. Can you come back and talk to him? At least text him that you’re okay? I know it’s hard but you’re scaring him. He’s never seen you like this._

****

As his chest seized up and heart raced quickly, Dan let out a pained whine, feeling pathetic and shallow and useless and all those emotions he’d fought against for so long. His eyes flickered around the room, desperately looking for something to help but as Barry knocked on the door once more and his phone dinged with another message, Dan felt his walls closing in on him, everything suddenly feeling wrong and out of place and just… _too much._

****

He didn’t notice the frantic speaking over the phone on the other side of his door, nor the jiggling of the doorknob as if someone was trying to force it open. He could only focus on the pounding in his chest and head as blood rushed through his ears, thoughts and emotions flooding him until it was difficult to breathe.

****

His phone went off another time, this time another call from Arin, causing Dan to flinch again, dropping it to the floor. He felt too hot, too dizzy, too heavy as he pushed himself frantically to his feet, stumbling to his closet. He need walls. Protection. He needed to cut off his vulnerability, so they wouldn’t see anymore. So he wouldn’t be such a burden to everyone around him, wasting time and space with his problems.

****

Dan nearly ripped the door open, fresh tears falling and somehow managed to drop to his knees, clothes brushing the top of his head and pull the door closed after him. He pulled his knees up to his chest, the dark both comforting and suffocating him at the same time. But he could no longer hear his friends concerning themselves over him. Could no longer feeling their expectations weighing on his shoulders until he was too heavy to go on. And that was… good, right?

****

At least until there was frantic knocking on his door, rattling the walls including the ones in the closet. Dan gave another gasp, covering his ears and burying his face in his bony knees. Dan hummed to himself as his body shook with sobs and gasps for air to drown out the noise. He wanted it to stop. But it wouldn’t. And when he tried to shout out for it to, his voice wouldn’t work.

****

Dan wasn’t sure how long he sat there, crying, humming, and rocking, but it was long enough for the knocking to stop. His heart still raced, but Dan kept his eyes screwed shut, hoping desperately for an escape. He didn’t want to deal with anything.

****

His thoughts began to repeat themselves, pulling him into an anxious loop.

****

It wasn’t until what felt like hours later when everything grew quiet that Dan’s breathing, though still quick, became less frantic and more deep, allowing him to fall into a tranced sleep, anxiety and depression and exhaustion pulling him under into the inky blackness of unconsciousness.

****

He’d expected to awaken to the same darkness he’d fallen asleep in. So it wasn’t that surprising when he’d woken just like that. CUrled up,  stiff and uncomfortable, not able to see a foot in front of him. WHat got him was the slow creak of his bedroom door being forced open. Dan looked around confused for a second before remembering suddenly what had happened. His chest seized up once more, causing Dan to suck in suddenly, holding his breath. He couldn’t help but hope that whoever was in his room would leave if he was super quiet.

****

“Dan…?” Arin’s voice called out into the dark room on the other side of his closet door, the bedroom door shutting carefully behind him.

****

Steps sounded and the telltale creak of springs being pushed down as Arin, Dan could only assume, sat on his bed. “Danny, I know you’re in here. I came over as fast as I could…”

****

Letting his breath exhale slowly as his lungs began to burn, Dan forced himself to breathe slowly as to not draw attention to his hiding place. He forced himself not to sniffle, despite the discomfort and held his knees a little tighter, stuck between wanting to stay silent and telling Arin to leave.

****

“I- I’m sorry I shouted at you. I don’t know if you got my text…” There was a quiet sound of buttons beeping on a phone letting Dan know Arin had picked up his phone. “Or you did? Why didn’t you answer? I was- I’m scared, Dan. Barry said you were crying and I was so afraid I had caused that but Brian told me you have issues with depression? I didn’t know that. Why didn’t I know that, Dan? You’re always so… so happy but lately you haven’t been and I should’ve known but I didn’t and I’m sorry, I-” Now it was Arin’s turn to sharply intake breath as emotion built within him. Dan’s heart picked up a quicker beat in his chest at the sounds of Arin’s distress. This was exactly what he hadn’t wanted.

****

There was an audible sigh on the other side of the door and footsteps growing far and near as Arin paced. “Dan just- Talk to me? You’re my best friend, man. I thought we told each other what was bothering the other. I thought- Don’t you trust me? What’s so bad that you can’t tell me?”

****

Tears started to fall faster the more Arin spoke. Dan had done so much wrong in his life, but honestly there weren’t many things that hurt more than hearing how much he’d hurt his best friend. He covered his mouth as sounds tried to escape him.

****

Arin gave a more frustrated sigh, stopping his feet before stepping away from the closet, back towards the door. “Whatever man… You’re either asleep or pissed off at me. I’ll… I’ll leave you alone I guess… maybe you’d rather speak to someone else…”

****

Fear seized up in Dan’s chest at the words. Someone else… Dan jerked his legs out, thumping with the door as he tried to scramble to his feet. He gripped the doorknob with shaking, uncoordinated hands, pushing it open hard enough to fall forward onto his face. He’d overlooked the tingling in his legs, the position he was in causing them to fall asleep.

****

Arin jumped when the door swung open and stared down at the man who’d just fallen ungracefully.

****

Dan scrambled up to his knees, wiping at his face again uselessly, using the backs of his clammy, shaking hands. “No- No! Arin don’t-” He gasped again, looking up at the man with panicked eyes, not knowing how to beg him to stay. “I’m s-sorry I ran out on you. A-and I’m sorry I ignored you and sorry I-I fucked everything up and I’m just- I’m sorry! F-Fuck Arin no no please don’t- don’t leave I- I’m” He gave a frustrated groan, shoulders slumping as his head dropped. His thoughts wouldn’t organize. Any minute now Arin would start laughing at his pathetic form and leave. “Fuck. Arin, I’m so sorry,” he whispered, curling into himself again, knees drawn up to his chest.

****

That seemed to snap Arin out of his daze, because suddenly warm arms were wrapping tightly around Dan as he was pulled against his friend’s chest, a hand sliding into his hair as the other held his back in place. “Dan- Dan, no. Shhh it’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong, It’s okay. Just breathe, okay? I’m not leaving. I promise, I’m not leaving.”

****

Dan shook his head, knees falling back down in their useless state. His hands automatically reached up to grip onto Arin’s sailor moon shirt, desperate for the comfort but not willing to admit it. “B-but the show and I ignored you and-”

****

Arin shook his head, pushing his face into Dan’s hair and tightening his arms. “No, okay? Fuck the show. You’re health is more important. You should’ve just told me you were struggling, man. The fans can wait. I just want you to be okay.”

****

Dan tried to protest once more, but it only caused Arin to shake his head again and again, refuting his excuses each time until Dan had nothing left to say, instead clutching to Arin’s chest desperately as he let out his fear and emptiness and frustration. They stayed there, wrapped around each other uncomfortably on the floor until Dan’s tears had dried up, shaking slightly in his friend’s embrace. Arin stroked his hair through it all and rubbed his back comfortingly, praising him for letting go and promising that everything was going to work out.

****

Finally Dan pulled away pushing the palm of his hand roughly against his closed eyelids, the dried tears making his lashes to be uncomfortably crusty. He sniffled slightly as Arin moved some hair out of Dan’s face where it had been stuck to his cheek. “Hey,” he whispered, gaining the older man’s attention. “Are you done? Wanna talk yet? Or do you need some more time?”

****

Dan shrugged, letting his head fall down downward, not meeting Arin’s eyes. “‘M tired…,” He mumbled out.

****

Arin gave a quiet laugh, placing a hand on Dan’s shoulder. “I bet. It’s been a stressful day. I’d let you sleep but everyone is pretty worried still. So I’m gonna ask again, okay? Do you want to talk about what’s bothering you now? Or do you think you’re ready to go out and tell everyone you’re okay now. Or we could sit in here a little while longer.”

****

Dan’s ears metaphorically perked up at the mention of everyone, guilt panging him again. Just how many people did he scare? Surely it can’t be more than Arin, Brian, and Barry…

****

“E-Everyone?” He asked in a meek voice, cracking slightly from overuse.

****

Arin nodded, rubbing his hand up and down Dan’s arm, hoping he’ll take the small comfort that was there. “Yeah. Ross, Suzy, Barry, Brian, everyone. We all saw you storm out of there, man. Everyone has been freaking out. You really scared us.”

****

Dan shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. He let out a quiet apology again, clenching his fists pressed into the tops of his thighs.

****

Arin squeezed his arm, shaking his head again and began to smooth out Dan’s hands. “No, man. Don’t be sorry. You have a lot going on, Dan. It’s natural that you’d get overwhelmed. Everyone is worried because we love you. You don’t have to apologize for being human.Okay? It’s okay. No one is mad at you.”

****

With another shaky breath, Dan nodded, biting the inside of his cheek, he still wanted to apologize, but he knew he’d get nowhere with it so he kept his mouth shut. He just wished this was all over and he could sleep.

****

He let out an involuntary yawn, despite his fight to keep his mouth shut.

****

Arin only laughed in response, letting go of Dan to stand up. He held out a hand, to help the other up, making Dan feeling as if he didn’t have a choice. So he let Arin pull him up, keeping his head down, hair hopefully masking his defeated expression.

****

He was sat onto his bed as Arin sat next to him, keeping a hold of his hand. Only then did Dan realise just how hot he actually was. He silently cursed his inactive sweat glands. His hands were probably clammy and gross, why would Arin even want to touch him when he felt like that.

****

A nudge to the shoulder brought Dan back to reality, his eyes focusing vaguely onto the wall across the room from him.

****

“What’s wrong?” Arin tried again, probably not expecting a response. But to his surprise, Dan sighed, exhausted with fighting and let his head fall onto Arin’s shoulder, eyes falling shut as a sigh escaped his lips. “I don’t know… I just- Sometimes I get this… nothing. That fills my chest. And it stays for… weeks. Until it either goes away or… This… happens.”

****

“You get overwhelmed?”

****

Dan nodded as well as he could on a shoulder, humming in confirmation. He was still… frazzled to say the least, but with Arin here to keep him grounded and his body too tired to work itself up anymore, he couldn’t really focus on the bad. Couldn’t even really remember why he was so determined to keep everything locked away when it was so much easier to just tell him. He was beginning to feel numb again. But at least his body was slowly cooling down as the air brushed across them and he was no longer pressed against a body, holding in the heat.

****

“Do you know what causes it?”

****

Dan shrugged again, feeling more and more sleepier by the second. “Not… really. Just when I get stressed, I guess. It hasn’t gotten this bad in a while. Not since… Before I came onto the show. I thought… I was getting better but I guess not.”

****

Air let go of Dan’s hand to stroke his hair again, Dan humming in approval. There was only very few he allowed to touch his hair when not in a sexual situation. “Hey don’t fall asleep on me,” he laughed, moving his hand to Dan’s neck and messaging the tension that had built up there. “We still gotta go tell everyone you’re okay.”

****

Dan yawned again, Arin’s movements making it quite difficult to stay awake, but he nodded in response, slumping further against him. “Can’t you tell em’?” He asked in a soft voice.

****

Arin shook his head and stood up, Dan giving out a whine in protest as his temporary pillow left and he was pulled up by two strong hands. “Come on. You need something to drink anyway after all that crying. You hungry? I bet we could talk Barry into buying us all pizza.”

****

Dan’s mouth twitched up into a smile, letting himself be dragged to the door by Arin’s hand. “Okay,” he whispered. And as nerves did build in his stomach from having to see everybody after his breakdown, Arin’s grip on his hand kept his grounded, reassuring him everything will be okay.

****

Just as he’d said, Barry, Ross, Suzy, and Brian were all sitting around the kitchen table, discussing something Dan didn’t quite ad stopped speaking when he’d entered the room.

****

He shuffled in place, suddenly looking down again. How would they react? Were they angry? Where they irritated> Were they going to yell-

****

A chair was scraped against the tile floor and soon thin tattooed arms were wrapped around his waist, a head of long black and blonde hair shoved into his neck. Dan jumped slightly, his free hand hovering in the air, not sure what to do.

****

“Oh, Danny! I was so worried! Are you okay? Why didn’t you tell us something was wrong! We could’ve helped!”

****

Dan looked away from her, stomach clenching painfully. “Uhh, sorry Suze. I- I didn’t know how I guess…”

****

She pulled back, eyes shiny with unshed tears, smiling up at him. “Well I hope you figured it out. No one likes it when you’re sad. Who else is there to brighten up the place, hmm?”

****

Dan looked helplessly from Suzy to Arin, not sure what to say. Arin squeezed his hand, smiling as well. “She’s right, Dan. It’s not as fun when you’re down.”

****

He looked out to his other friends, meeting their relieved expressions for brief moments before returning back to Suzy.

****

Ross cleared his throat, gaining Dan’s attention, though he was still held in place by Suzy’s arms. “Holly would’ve been here too but she’s out of town. She said to send her love and support. You’ll probably get some flowers in the mail or something soon. You know how sentimental she can be.”

****

In a daze, Dan nodded, mumbling out thanks. He’d expected anything but this honestly. Suzy dragged him to the table, Arin letting go of him, and pushed him into a chair. With hands on her hips, she brushed back some of her hair and all but demanded Dan’s attention. “Are you hungry? Thirsty? You should eat something, Dan.”

****

Dan shrugged his shoulders in response, but at her heated glare, he flushed slightly and dragged his eyes over to Barry, trying for a sheepish smile. “Still uhh, Still got that tea you offered earlier?”

****

“Of course! Though it’s a little cold by now…” Dan shrugged saying that’s fine as Barry and Suzy got to work on getting him the drink. They both decided to just go ahead and brew some more so everyone could get some.

****

As he watched the two work, a chair was pulled out beside him, startling Dan to Brian’s sudden presence beside him. A hand clapped on Dan’s shoulder as shame washed over him. Brian had been the one to originally urge him to get help. He’d been the one Dan had first wronged.

****

But instead of scorn, Brian also threw Dan for a loop like the others and instead smiled at him. “We’re taking tomorrow off and going shopping, okay? Rachel and Audrey are coming with. You gotta help me get Rachel a birthday gift.”

****

“But the show-”

****

Arin was suddenly on his other side, shaking his head. “Dude, don’t worry about it. One more day won’t hurt us. Ross and I are going to do some steam train. Brian already cleared it with me. You’re good to go.”

****

A cup was placed in front of him, tea steaming hot. He could also notice three sugar cubes in the bottom, just how he liked it.

****

Danny bit the inside of his cheek at all the support he was receiving suddenly, not sure how to react to it all. Here he was, a nearly forty year old man who’d just had a breakdown, surrounded by friends that cared about him. Who understood what it felt like to be so out of control of yourself.

****

Dan took the steaming mug in both hands, despite the heat it gave off, already bloodshot eyes beginning to shine once more as he was overcome with emotion, except this time it was something good. Something that didn’t make him feel like he was drowning.

****

Arin was the first to notice and immediately placed an arm around Dan’s shoulders, pulling him towards him, ruffling his mess of hair. “You okay, man?” he asked in a low voice, next to his ear.

****

Dan nodded, smiling wider than he had all day, looking up at his friends.

**_  
“I am now.”_ **

**Author's Note:**

> I told myself I'd never write about real people.
> 
> Well fuck.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy my newest work, proving that I'm a fucking loser.


End file.
